The following is an essential guide for men in Waterloo. This guide will enable you to choose which bar to go to in order to find a specific type of girl. I will outline the different types of girls our diverse city has to offer and their preferred watering holes.
Woooooo Girls!
Description: If not for the fact that there are two Universities in Waterloo this could be classified simply as The Laurier Girl. By day they disguise them selves in Uggs, with grey track pants (most say Laurier on the butt or one leg) and a colourful TNA hoodie. They also wear oversized sunglasses to hide their face from those who may see them at night . Their hair will most likely be very blonde or very dark. Nothing in between!! By night they are totally different creatures. Shimmery outfits and heels are standard attire. Straight hair with extensions and some sort of up do are also standard. Hidden in their Coach clutch purse is their Blackberry which will most certainly have a bright coloured silicon skin, usually pink, which seems to keep it permanently attached to their hand.
Hangouts- Caesars all the time, 140west, Vault, Fubar, Philthies, Can be Seen at Bomber and Laurier bars as well (look for Jocks then move eyes 8 inches lower).
Ease of Pickup-High
Preferred Guy-Abercrombie Douchebag
Chance of relationship- Slim to none
Hotness- 7.5-10/10
Tips- Bring money to get them drunk, get drunk yourself… the sex will be bad.
Jersey Chasers
Description: Pretty much the same as above with one major fdifference… As the name implies these kind of girls love the jock! She will do anything and everything to sleep with members of varsity sports teams. It doesn’t even matter what sport they play, put on the Warrior or Golden Hawk jersey and your getting laid!
Hangouts- Bomber, Turret, Wilfs Philthies
Ease of Pickup- High
Preferred Guy- Jocks
Chance of relationship- Low
Hotness- 5.5-10/10
Normal GirlDescription: This is the girl that every guy looks for. Nothing fancy here. Dresses well, attends class, but knows how to have a good time. They don’t wear skirts in January because it’s ‘cute’, they wear jeans because it’s fucking cold out. These girls are easy to talk to, easy on the eyes and don’t laugh stupidly when they don’t understand what your drunk ass is talking about, they question it. However, there is one major problem with this type of girl. She most likely has a boyfriend, therefore, totally ruining any chance you have of bringing this girl home at the end of the night, or even getting her number.
Hangouts- Molly’s, Bomber, Spur, Heuther, Fox, and Campus Bars
Ease of Pickup- Medium to Impossible
Preferred Guy- Average Guy and or Jock, Despite the fact they know the jock will cheat on them at some point.
Chance of relationship- Medium… if you can find a single one.
Hotness- 7.5-9/10
Lil’ Hipster Girl Description: This girl knows how to push the limits of fashion and music. Loves to rock out to the latest electro jam in her bright colours, skinny jeans and dunks. Her hair is probably chopped in a very different yet attractive way. Beware, at the bar this girl will be wasted. Totally off the wall and having an amazing time. If you can in fact, get a chance to talk to her she’s pretty cool. Good taste in music (according to this blog), which means a varied sampling of all genres with a focus on anything ‘indie’.
Hangouts- Phils, Starlight
Ease of Pickup- Easy-Medium
Preferred Guy- Hipster Guy or Skater/Snowboarder
Chance of relationship- Medium
Hotness- 6.5-9.5/10
Hippie Chick
Description: This girl can be found in the ES buildings at UW. Probably a head full of dreads, second hand cloths and patchouli sent which follows her everywhere. She likes ot have fun but mostly hang out with her own kind. Not the easiest to talk to sometimes but few are known to incessantly pester you for the entire night. They love the environment and tree plant every summer. Now this is in no way a bad thing. The Hippie chick has a very wide range on the hotness scale, which leaves room for absolutely amazingly beautiful girls.
Hangouts- Phils, Starlight, Ethels, Filates
Ease of Pickup- Hard
Preferred Guy- Hippie or Tattooed Guy
Chance of relationship- High
Hotness- 5.5-10/10
Opinionated Bitch
Description: This girl gets dragged out by her friends or class mates once or twice a term. She thinks every day she is going to the office and dresses like it. Very clean cut and proper at all times. She will stand in the corner with one drink all night and form opinions about everyone at the bar. If you try and talk to her you will be forced to her how inadequate you and everyone else at the bar is and when she is the first female Emperor of the World you will be imprisoned and alcohol will be illegal.
Hangouts- Campus Bars… they don’t ever leave school
Ease of Pickup- Very Hard
Preferred Guy- Student Government
Chance of relationship- Low… but why would you want too?
Hotness- 1-6/10
*note: if you are in any of these pictures I'm sorry. They just seemed to fit!
this just made my week :)
ReplyDeleteJay, that was awesome. I'm going to print it and bring it out next time I'm in Waterloo.
ReplyDeleteJay,
ReplyDeletea) i feel this is a little bit rude to us 'laurier girls' .. not all of us fit the mold. though the ones that do, you hit it bang on, and i laughed. lol
b) don't be too harsh on certain stereotypical girls, because despite what you say, you've probably slept, dated, or befriended quite a few of them.
and despite stereotypes, appearance and where a girl parties doesn't define if she's a good person or not.
i also find it funny how you let the 'normal girl' only get as high as a 9/10 for looks! haha
overall though, funny blog, i enjoyed it.
So i was thinking.... you clearly forgot to add the fact that we have fabulous bods, tans, excellent hygiene, impeecable social skills, we will be graduating with honours and for all of these reasons; we will be successfull and certainly your boss.
ReplyDeletexo
Lc
oh you are 100% correct! except for the fact you are going to be my boss. you can dream though :D
ReplyDeleteNow, Lauren, you must be a Woooo Girl. Type A personality as well judging from the post.
ReplyDeletePeople, don't take everything you read personally. We generalized you, we didn't verbally attack you. Take it in Jest.
some people can't take a joke lol
ReplyDelete